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Family
Spotlight
Life is "Berry"
Good for Jim and His New Sons
by
Steve Garfinkel
 Be
honest, now. When you hear of a “single-parent family,” what is
your first thought? It must be a divorced mother or father raising
the children from a former marriage. Perhaps it’s a widow or widower
struggling on after losing the other parent. How far down the list
of possibilities would you get before considering he or she might
be an adoptive, never- married, single parent? Unusual? In this
issue we want to share the story of just such a parent and his wonderful,
adoptive family.
On
the surface, brown-haired, green-eyed, Jim Berry looks like many
other professionals. What lies beneath the surface, however, is
a deep-rooted faith and a heart so big it demanded to be shared.
A few years ago, Jim says, he could never have seen himself as he
is today, sharing his life with three sons, but life often surprises
all of us.
As
he neared 40, Jim began to realize that marriage was “not in God’s
plan” for him. Still he knew he wanted to share his life. It was
around that time that he began considering adoption. His first attempts
to look into the process were frustrating, though. Approaching another
of Houston’s major child-placement agencies, he was told that their
policy did not permit single-parent adoptions for men. It looked
as if his dream was over even before it could begin. But life had
another surprise in store for Mr. Berry.
In
discussing his plight with a social worker friend, he discovered
that his hopes might have a chance after all. This social worker
worked at Spaulding for Children, and told him that he should check
into Spaulding for Children, where his request for adoption as a
single man would receive consideration. Here, his request received
not only consideration, but encouragement and an almost immediate
involvement. After completing pre-adoption PRIDE training and the
many other steps required in preparation for adoption, he was ready
to be matched with a child.
Knowing that he wanted more than one child, Jim found a pair of
siblings that he was considering adopting, but were not freed for
adoption as yet. Meanwhile, a child was found in Kentucky that needed
adoption. On his first meeting with Anthony, Jim knew he had found
his first son. The adoption moved swiftly, and soon Jim and Anthony
were a family. Yet, even as they began to settle in with one another,
Jim knew he wanted brothers for Anthony. He found them in Jacolby
and Brandon, two brothers who were living in separate foster homes
in Amarillo.
While Brandon was a teenager and considerably older than the other
two, Jacolby and Anthony were very near each other in age, and made
great companions. One of the many rewarding aspects of the new brotherhood
resulted from Jacolby’s adjustment to his new surroundings. Before
adoption, Jacolby’s attendance in school had been “spotty” at best,
resulting in his arriving in the Berry home as a functional illiterate.
Now, in a stable family, Jacolby blossomed in school. His literacy
improved to the degree that Jim says he now “reads everything he
can get his hands on.” This spurred his other studies, so that now,
Jacolby “is really into learning and hates weekends because he can’t
go to school.”
This in turn has improved Anthony’s participation in school, due
to the competition with his brother. The boys have interests outside
school as well. Anthony and Jacolby, the two younger sons, are Boy
Scouts. All three take piano lessons from a family friend at church,
and when he saw that Brandon’s doodling showed promise, Jim enrolled
him in a drawing class at the Glassell School of Art.
Still, raising three sons as a single father is not easy. Says Berry,
“We wouldn’t be doing as well as we are without the help of a lot
of friends, who make being a single dad possible and fun.” Reflecting
on the rewards of the process that created his family, Jim recalls
a recent visit with some old friends. “The last time I saw them
I was single and childless and they had three kids. Now, I’m still
single but I have three kids nearly the same ages as theirs. Who
would have guessed?”
Since many of the family’s circle of friends and relatives are of
mixed ethnic backgrounds, containing interracial parents and mixed-race
children, the bi-racial make-up of the Berry family has been a non-issue.
According to Jo Chevalier, an experienced, African American social
worker at Spaulding who helped the Berry family with both adoptions,
“Jim has been very good about helping the boys stay in touch with
their roots and heritage.” He took Anthony back to Kentucky to visit
with his former foster family, and made a special effort to contact
and visit with Anthony’s first foster mother to find out as much
as possible about Anthony’s birth mother. After adopting Brandon
and Jacolby, the family took a trip back to Amarillo so that the
boys could visit with members of their birth family as well as their
foster family.
Spaulding for Children places with varied families, both double-parent
and single-parent. Our most important criteria? A stable, loving,
nurturing environment where children may grow and develop.
As with many of our families, the Berrys stay involved with Spaulding
for Children long after the adoption is finalized. As a matter of
fact, Jim recently stopped by the office to present the staff with
a copy of his first published book, and its dedication: “To the
good folks at Spaulding for Children, dedicated to finding families
for special children and making dreams come true.” Thanks Jim.
We hope to make many more dreams come true in 2001.
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